proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
