when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
