She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
