me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
