I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
