Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
