i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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