I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
