apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
