i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
God, I missed his penis.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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