3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
