I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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