I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
