Apparently you make a good broom.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
