I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
