i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
