I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
