Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
