she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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