the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize
