I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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