kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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