ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They took my balls.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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