What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
