This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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