it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
