Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
