i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
