am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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