I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
