We're facebook friends in real life
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
