Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
they're like a gay fantastic four
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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