obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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