I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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