My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Your penis caused this!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
