after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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