He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
