Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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