I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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