I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
