hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
