i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
this just has baby written all over it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
