Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
