she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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