1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
