I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
