I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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