I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
