my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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