Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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