Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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