yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
