i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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