we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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