I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We are all done wearing pants today
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
